Relationships, Connection, Self-Authority, and The Power to Remain Ourselves
What if the person who is upsetting you is revealing something about you that you haven’t yet wanted to see?
What if the person who is upsetting you isn’t the real problem….
And what if the most uncomfortable part of a relationship isn’t what the other person did, but what their actions brought to the surface in you.
Because sometimes the experience that feels like it’s about them, is actually revealing something about us.
When we enter friendships or relationships, it’s quite easy to unconsciously organize ourselves around other people’s version of reality, in order to “belong”.
Somewhere in this process we lose contact with the most important question:
What is true for me?
Genuine, powerful and meaningful relationships, I believe, are those when two people have the capacity to remain two sovereign people while meeting honestly in the space between.
Self- Authority, I define, as the individual power we own about ourselves to determine what is true for ourselves and to act in accordance with it.
It’s about deciding what is true for ourselves, what we are participating in, where we place our energy and how we engage with our energy in the space between ourselves and others.
Meaning:
“This is what I’m available for.”
“This is what I’m not available for.”
I recently had an experience that made me think about the ways in which relationships reveal us to ourselves. Sometimes the other person enters our life and almost immediately something inside us begins moving. We feel more alive. More vulnerable. More exposed. More curious. More uncertain.
And what we discover isn’t so much about the other person at all, it’s about where we have given away pieces of our own authority.
Perhaps the purpose of a friendship or a relationship isn’t always to give us the person we hoped for. Sometimes it’s about giving us a clearer relationship with ourselves.
I really believe a greater edge on life requires a greater order within ourselves.
The Reflection in People
People around us exist, believe it or not, because they are reflecting parts of us back onto ourselves. This is the game of this quantum life – it’s meant for us, people are in our lives to give us the opportunity for us to integrate back parts of ourselves so that we step into greater and greater authority over ourselves.
Perhaps this might not resonate with you if you’re not familiar with the fractoholographic aspect of reality, and how reality is actually a projection field you experience so that you play the game of life to evolve yourself to new experiences…. but I firmly believe this is what’s happening in our lives.
And for me, every relationship has now become an opportunity to go through the integration process. This is not an easy task, however… it requires commitment and dedication to facing ourselves, to understanding the pains we experience, and then in some way creating the space for energy to flow again instead of shutting it off.
Therefore, people around us are constantly reflecting parts of us back to us. The work is not to decide whether their reflection is right or wrong, but to become willing to discover what it reveals and to integrate what is ours.
The more of ourselves we can own, integrate, and bring into conscious relationship with ourself, the more capacity we have to create value, make aligned choices, and build a life from our own center, our own alignment.
The Reflection is Not the Whole Truth
The important nuance is that another person’s perception of us isn’t necessarily “the truth” about us. But it is information.
The key is to examine that information without surrendering our own authority to it.
That is the practice, at first. To become curious about how their reflection is affecting us, why, and what that reveals about ourselves from our own point of individual power and authority (not theirs).
The most revealing part isn’t so much what the other person did, but rather what happened inside of us when they did that thing.
Owning What’s Ours
Let me make it clear, owning something about ourselves doesn’t mean minimizing ourselves, blaming ourselves, or owning everything including the other person’s part.
It means: this is somehow part of me, and it is mine to understand.
Maybe someone reflects our fear of abandonment.
Maybe our need to be chosen.
Maybe our tendency for control.
Maybe our difficulty trusting.
Maybe our inability to receive.
Maybe our tendency to make another person responsible for how we feel.
… and ownership can be really uncomfortable.
It is much easier for most people to make the other person the problem, because that alleviates the need to face ourselves internally.
So if we can connect with that question, What did this experience activate in me? Well, then, this requires enormous personal responsibility. THIS is why few people do the inner work.
I get this now. Integration temporarily disrupts the identity that we have constructed about ourselves.
What we Integrate Becomes Available to Us
When we don’t own our experiences, we have to keep organizing our lives around them. We avoid certain people and situations. We protect certain identities. We suppress certain desires. We react, defend, and contract.
But when we can look at what has been reflected back to us and say “this is my part of the experience, let me understand it and own it” something definitely changes.
The energy that was previously used to defend, deny, suppress, or control, becomes available for something else: creation, connection, choice, expression, value, and eventually when applied strategically, wealth.
Why this Matter for Wealth Creation
My recent experiences have shown me this connection between the work of knowing ourselves and integrating our experiences to the work of creating wealth.
We often think wealth creation is about what we do on the physical plane: the business model, the investment, the career, the new idea implementation… etc.
But it’s actually first, more about what we do in the spiritual plane, what’s happening inside of us while we’re executing the direction for wealth creation.
- what are we capable of receiving
- what do we believe our ideas are worth
- how comfortable we are with being visible
- how do we respond to uncertainty
- how do we communicate in time of great misunderstanding and judgement
- how do we handle rejection
- how much responsibility we are willing to hold
- how much success we can allow to experience without retreating into what is familiar
When we integrate more of ourselves, we create greater internal coherence.
This gives us a wider view of choice and a greater capacity to create and receive value.
The capacity to create greater wealth requires the capacity to hold greater complexity, uncertainty, responsibility, visibility, value, and possibility….
… to ultimately encounter ourselves morehonestly, to find the pieces we have abandoned, rejected, protected, or forgotten.
Every piece of ourselves we are willing to meet becomes a piece of ourselves we no longer have to organize our lives around avoiding.
Now, if you have a moment, in the comments, let me know what you feel you can already spot about yourself from what you might have read here.
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